Ready to Change YOUR Mindset?

I have a question for y’all: how is your mindset? Did you know mindset is important? Did you know everyone has a mindset that can be influenced by those around you? Do you know what mindset actually is?

My dictionary app on my phone defines mindset as:

  • an attitude, disposition, or mood.
  • an intention or inclination.

If you look on the good ole Google, it talks about your mindset and attitude. It seems to me they are directly correlated with one another. Mindset is a way of thinking. Attitude is the way you carry yourself. Your mindset is an established set of attitudes you hold. It predetermines your interpertations and responses to events, circumstances, and situations. Your mindset has the ability to sort out what is going on and how you should handle each siuation. Your attitdue is how you react to said situation. See how they can be so relatable?

You can have a positve or negative mindset. You can also change your mindset. I’ll be the first one to tell you, changing your mindset is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I used to think I had a decent mindset. I had goals, ambitions, I was determined, and I had a good work ethic. I thought my outlook on life as goodโ€”boy was I ever wrong!

I used to be a ‘think the worst’ kind of gal. Always thinking the worst in every situation, you know, so when the worst happened, I’d be prepared. I used to think that would help me avoid getting hurt or being depressed. Yeah, that is definitely not true. My mindset always had me in the negative and I was so used to it that I didn’t even know I was negative. I would be happy, but not truly happy. Like my days would be bright, but it was an overcast day. Like it was light outside, but there was no sun, kind of happy.

Then I woke up and my mindset started to shift.

I honestly can’t say how, or why, it happened the way it did. But y’all, I am so glad it started shifting. I was noticing myself becoming more and more happy. My overcast days became sunny days with no clouds. Things started looking better and I started feeling better. Not just mentally, but physically too. I was slowly letting go of negative and toxic people and situations that were weighing down my life.

That is when my weight loss journey took a turn for the best! I had just started seeing a new doctor and a dietitian and I was empowered. I wasn’t torn a part and thrown into pieces on the floor. I was ready; ready to love myself fully and make this my best life.

Now, if any of you have been with me on my PCOS journey, you know it hasn’t always been easy. I’ve been really working on self love, but it wasn’t until my shift in mindset that I really could feel the love I was giving to myself. I started enjoying doing a low carb diet. I know carbs are not the enemy and my body isn’t undesired and that I don’t have to deprive myself of the foods I want. However, I am doing this because I need to be healthy enough to carry a baby. So whatever it takes. I’ve been hitting my step goal and working out as much as my body allows. I am having fun and my chronic pain isn’t gone, but it’s damn near undetected unless I’m focusing on it. HUGE improvement from all the pain I used to suffer through daily.๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ

Things were going great in all aspecs of life. NO, I’m not rich or skinny (don’t wanna be too skinny๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ), but things were going in the right direction. Yes, I still have bad days where I’m queen negative Nacny, but they don’t last as long or happen as often. This shift in mindset is really working out well for me and I plan to keep it up!๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

How did I change my mindset? I’m glad you asked. I stated previosuly that I ‘woke up and my mindset started to shift’. I didn’t mean that in the literal sense of my mindset changed overnight because that would be a lie. What I mean is that I was aware of my negative mindset and ready to change it. Here are some of the things I started doing:

  1. Watched my words- words do matter!
  2. Wrote positive notes for people – and myself.
  3. Forgave myself – such a weight lifted off my shoulders.
  4. Forgave others- the past can’t hold me back anymore!
  5. Didn’t complain as much- have too much to be thankful for.
  6. Let some people/things go- no need in holding onto all that baggage.
  7. Surrounded myself with positivity- and more positive people.
  8. Enrolled in nail tech school- big dream, bigger fear and I FACED IT.
  9. Loved on myself more- stopped being so hard on me!
  10. Became more patient with myself- I deserve it all

There are so many different ways to shift your minset. The biggest part of that is getting uncomfortable with your life as it is. You have to make some sacrifices and be responsible for your own happiness. But it is possible for you to shift your mindset and to live a happy, joyful life. Just take the first step and make yourself a priority.๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

Remember, when there is nothing but negativity around you, you are still beautiful and worth enough to uproot and plant yourself in a positive place for growth.



It’s still surreal

Last weekend, my stepson and I made the three hour drive to my hometown of Coffeyville Kansas, where I had my first book signing! It is still hard for me to believe I published two books this year. I mean, I’ve dreamt of being a published author since I was eight years old but I get butterflies when I say the words: I’m a self-published author.โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‰

I knew it would happen sooner or later because writing is what I’m meant to do. I am passionate and determined when my writing is involved, and I don’t give up. But it took me forever to get here. So many tears because an editor/cover artist bailed on me, or because my computer crapped out on me and I couldn’t type/edit my books. All those stressful days when I worked way too much and was beyond exhausted preventing me to write the story that was burning inside me. So much that life threw at me that could have prevented me from making my dream a reality…

But it didn’t. Nothing stopped me. I kept on writing and working hard. And here I am with two published books and a book signing.๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

As the time got closer and closer to the start of my signing, I started to get more nervous. Started worrying if anyone woud actually show up. Would I mess up and call them the wrong name? (I did that, oops sorry Cassie!๐Ÿ˜‰) Would I freeze and not be able to talk to them as they walked in? Would I say the wrong thing if I had to give writing advice? Thankfully, I had many people who loved me right there helping me set up and wait, taking my mind off anything negative. I would have been a nervous wreck by myself. I definitely couldn’t have done it without them.๐Ÿ˜Š

I sat there surrounded by my biggest supporters as the door opened and people came in. I was overwhelmed with joy as people entered, books in hand, ready for me to sign. All of the hugs, smiles, and pictures made my heart giddy. I heard so many “I’m proud of you”, “so happy for you”, “I’m so excited for your next book” heart could explode from love. โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ–ค I didn’t really have an expectation of what would happen at the signing, but I feel like it went really well.

I have never been more proud of myself for all of the hard work and dedication I’ve put into this dream of mine. Writing isn’t a hobby or something I do just for fun. No. Writing is my life. I might not be too sure exactly what my future holds, but I can guarentee writing will be involved.

I have a multitude of supporters and I love each one of them for it. Those that are actively and openly supporting and even those secret ones I don’t always know aboutโ€” I appreciate you. I couldn’t do what I do if it wasn’t for the support and encouragement I receive. I wouldn’t be able to work as hard as I do. It’s much easier busting your ass when you know someone is rooting for you!

Just as I have supporters, I have some haters. And that’s okay. Anyone whose ever done anything great will tell you they have them. They will take you they use them to fuel their own motivation and creativity (that’s what I do๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ). These people are mostly jealous because you have something or are doing something they want. But they don’t wanna work for it, so they just hate on you because you did. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ These haters are important because it let’s you now you are doing something right.

But what about those people who aren’t haters but aren’t true supporters, either? What are they called? I feel like this is where some people I know, fall. I know not everyone will read or buy all my books and that’s okay. I don’t expect anyone to buy and read every single book I publish {it would be nice, but their support means more}. Support is more than just buying my books, though. It’s sharing my posts on social media (since everyone is scrolling on their phones all the time anyway), telling people about me face to face(cause it’s not hard to tell people your so and so is a self-published author๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ), letting someone borrow your copy of my book, donating a copy to the local library, leaving me reviews on Amazon, Goodreads, Google or wherever you leave reviews.

When it came to my book signing, that was the biggest form of support one person could have shown me. Like top dog amount of support. All anyone had to do was pop in and say ‘hi’ and tell me they were happy for me or proud of me or whatever they felt like saying. Wouldn’t even needed to buy a book, just being there would have meant so much to me. Something would have been better than nothing, right?

I can’t say that I’m not hurt by the lack of presence of some, but I’m not mad; just very, very disappointed. All that aside…the lack of support from those that don’t show it, doesn’t diminish all the love and support I did (and have) recieved.

To all the many people who did come to the signing, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I am so happy you took time out of your busy lives to come in and see me, let me sign your books, take a picture with me and have some snacks! To those of you who wanted to be there but couldn’t make it, you are appericated just as much. I know you would have been here if you could have been {and that means so much to me}. You were missed a ton.๐Ÿ˜

I’d like to take this time and call each and every one of you out by name for a final thanks.

To the amazing people who helped me set up: Alesia & her two beautiful daughters, my amazing best friend Paige, my super rad stepsister Deja, my sleep deprived best friend Markus, and my solid as a rock, extremely hot(because it was a thousand degrees outside๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‰) boyfriend, Jeremie, and the life of the party Jalen.

To the wonderful souls who showed up: Micah, Antwanette & her girls, Madison, my Mom, Vanessa, Holly & the kids, Chris, JB, Erica, Jackie, Grandma Sue & Grandpa Phil, Dad & Crystal, Cassie, Amanda, and if I missed shouting anyone out, I’m sorry I don’t mean to! And to the Coffeyville KS Library for allowing me to have my signing there. And if I missed shouting anyone out, I’m sorry I don’t mean to!โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ

-Jessica ๐Ÿ˜˜

My 10 Writing Tips

People ask me all the time “how do you have so many books written?” I usually just tell them I just write any chance I can get. Or they ask “how do you have so many ideas to write books?” I say that save any idea I have for later.

Thinking about that now, that doesn’t sound very helpfulโ€” oops, my bad. To my defense, I didn’t feel like those people were asking because they wanted help becoming writers or authors, but more out of curiosity ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ However, I’ve recently had people reach out to me who are serious about being writers and I decided to put together some tips that I have as a writer. These are my tips. I’ve been writing for twenty years (wow, that makes me feel old)! This is the advice I’ve got for y’all. You can take it or leave it, but here are my ten tips!! ๐Ÿ˜˜

  1. Write it downโ€” no idea is dumb or too small. Write it down and save it for later. There’s always a later.
  2. Write everydayโ€” no matter if it’s ten minutes or two hours. Write!
  3. Make time, not excusesโ€” your book can’t write itself. Everyone is busy so get over saying that. You can be busy complaining about how much time you don’t have to write, or you can just make time to write. If it’s important to you, you’ll make time!
  4. For the love of God, one project at a timeโ€” you cannot write two books at once. I know once the creative juices get to flowing, it’s hard to stick to one project specially when you’ve got ideas coming out of your ears. Don’t give in! Put the idea in your phone or tablet and go back to it later. (I say use a phone or tablet cause you can have all of the ideas in one place for easy access instead on seventeen pieces of paper and a napkin).
  5. If you want to write, you’re a writerโ€” you don’t have to have a book published to be a writer. If you want to write, or have an idea for something to write, then you’re a writer. Welcome to the club.
  6. You’re gonna suck at firstโ€” no matter how old you are when you start writing, you’ll suck. Keep at it for five years or so then go back to your first project and you’ll see what I mean. I’ve been writing since I was eight years old. I’ve grown tremendously and when I look at past writing I always say “aww little Jessica, you’re just cute with your run-on sentences and bad grammar.”
  7. Promote yourself, NOWโ€” I don’t care if you don’t even have one word written for your book, start promoting yourself right now. Seriously, finish reading this post (of course), but then get right on your social media and scream about being a writer. If you ever want to be a published author, you’ll thank me. Word of mouth is powerful and takes forever. I have been promoting my writing since I was eight and I constantly work on promoting myself as much as possible. I’m quite sure people get sick of seeing my post but guess what? I don’t care, I don’t care!
  8. Pay for an editorโ€” no matter how good at editing you think you are, don’t edit your own work. Get a fresh pair of eyes on it. Finding an editor who works well with you and good at their job can get expensive, but it’ll be worth it. Use Beta Readers to have it looked over before sending it off to an editor.
  9. Study, read, growโ€” as a writer, you’ve got to keep your mind sharp. Read often, study more, and grow everyday. Whether it’s for pleasure or your current project, study, read, grow.
  10. Screw what people thinkโ€” you can’t let the opinions of others get in the way of your writing dream. People will tell you that you “should give up being a writer because they don’t make any money” or that “your idea sucks” but screw them! If you want to be a writer, then do whatever it takes to be a damn good one and never, ever quit!

I hope these tips help you. I hope as a writer, you’ll find some tips of your own to live by during your writing dream. Being a published author isn’t all sunshine and butterflies. It’s a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. And unless your JK Rowling or Stephen King, you probably won’t get rich. But if you bust your ass everyday, you’ll be living the dream you’ve always wanted and you’ll make money doing so.

Be easy. Stay blessed.

Jessica ๐Ÿ˜˜

Dreams Can Come True!

As of Sunday Febuary 3rd, 2019 I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!!!!!

I feel like it took me a lifetime to make this happen, but I FREAKING DID IT! It’s been two days and I still can’t believe I have graduated from “writer” to “published author”. I mean, I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t feel like eventually would be now.

It’s been my lifelong dream of being published. No matter what got in my way (and a lot go in my way), I never gave up. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it is definitely worth it! I am so excited, so happy, but most of all I am proud of myself. Even when it looked like it wouldn’t happen for me, I pushed on. Even when others around me were publishing, I pushed on. Even when I started to doubt myself, I pushed on. I’m so very glad I did because this feeling of happiness is something everyone should experinece.

When I finally was uploading everything to Amazon, I started to get nervous. What if nobody buys it? What if nobody likes it? What if there are a lot of content errors? The list grew with each minute after I hit ‘submit’. I started to wonder if they would approve or reject my book…

Sunday morning I recieved the email that said my book had been approved and was available to purchase; I lost it. I started patting my boyfriend awake, telling him “baby, my book is published. Its published!” over and over. He usually wakes up grumpy when he’s woken up, but he woke up happy and gave me a kiss. My stepson was there too and was super excited for me, too. It was magical (for lack of a better word) to have both of my boys right there with me when I got the news.

Seeing all the people congraulate me on my Facebook author page, warmed my heart more than anything else has ever warmed it.

Loving on Me.

I’ve wanted to keep y’all posted on how changing my mindset about my body has been going since my last couple of posts about it.

I feel like it’s going quite well to be honest. I’ve started respecting my body with my own thoughts. If I wouldn’t say something negative about the bodies of people closest to me, I’m not gonna say it about my body.

I have been telling myself that “I’m fat” more often. Calm down, I’m not being mean. I’m being honest. If I know I’m fat — and I do– then I won’t be bothered when others talk about my weight. I won’t have to be on the defensive side either. I can just educate.

Educate people about being fat? Yes! And also educate them on how body shaming says more about them then the person’s body they are tryin to shame. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ Like anything in the world, it’s not gonna change unless we change it and I’m here to end body shaming!

Okay, maybe I’m a little overzealous about ending body shaming. But what I’m not overzealous about is helping others learn about self love. People who body shame will only keep doing it as long as they get a reaction. If we, as fat people, can build up, empower, encourage, our fat community then people who try to body shame us get zero reaction from us. Eventually, it won’t be fun for them anymore and they’ll stop. I mean that’s logical, right?

Taking a stand to end body shaming doesn’t mean I’m gonna say “screw getting healthy, give me all the junk food.” It means that I’m going to do what my body needs me to do in order to be healthy. It means that I am going to do it my way, at my own pace. It means that I don’t care what anyone says or thinks about my body. Lastly, it means that no matter my size, I fucking matter.

You can sit back and watch with disgust. Or you can help by loving yourself and loving on someone else. Lift them up. Encourage them. You never know how much of a difference you can make until you try.

Before when I’d do anything, in the back of my mind I would always feel like people were looking at me weird because of my size. I would sort of hang my head and shoulders in embarrassment. Since I’ve been working on my mindset, my head is high and my shoulders are back. I walk into any room like I’m the baddest bitch in there.

Because I am.

So here’s to loving me. Here’s to lifting people up instead of shaming them down. It won’t happen overnight, and possibly won’t happen at all, but I’m not gonna stop empowering people to love themselves until I can help at least one person. If you need some extra loving, I’m always here to help. Message me and we can love on each other —in a body positive friendship way. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Together we can end the negativity surrounding body image โค๏ธ

Be easy. Stay blessed.

Jessica ๐Ÿ˜˜

Made with Love.

After my post yesterday, I feel so motivated to keep the good energy around positive body image so I’m back with another post. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

I was at work this morning and I saw someone left a sticker behind. I kept looking at it over and over thinking this would be a good blog topic.

Made with love.

Have we ever stopped to realize our bodies were made with love? I know I haven’t, but seeing this sticker made me start thinking, what do I really love about my body?

I’m not talking about my nice smile, radiant eyes, or majestic hair — although I love all of those things about me. I want to take it a bit deeper. So if you’re with me, let’s dive into what I love about my body (a short list)!

  1. My legs – despite being “morbidly obese”, my legs still support all of my weight. They still carry me each and everyday, to every place I need to go. ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฝ
  2. My big, round headit holds my very creative brain that I need and use daily . Couldn’t write this amazing blog or my books without it ๐Ÿ˜‰
  3. My shoulders – not only do they support my big head, they don’t let my head hang low, they keep it up no matter how heavy it gets. Also good for catching tears whenever someone needs a shoulder to cry on. ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ
  4. My arms – even though they are a little giggly, they are great for giving hugs and holding those dear to me close. Perfect size for linking arms and walking along side someone, too. ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ
  5. My chest – because that holds the most important thing: my heart!๐Ÿ’—

I think those are all pretty important things to love about my body. My mind isn’t completely healed from the life long negative body image thoughts, but I’m consciously working on making sure I am only thinking positively about my body.

Stick around, my positivity might rub off on you and you’ll start feeling better about your body, as well! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š

Be easy, stay blessed.


Body Image: Who’s eyes do you see your body through?

Have you ever looked at yourself and not liked what you saw? I’m not just talking about an outfit. I’m talking about literally hating the body you have? If you have, this post is for you. If you haven’t, go ahead and take a read to help you better understand those who struggle with this daily. By the way, this is gonna be a long one, so buckle up, buttercup!๐Ÿ˜‰

I’ve decided to make some changes when it comes to how I think about my body image. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m fat. Big, plus sized, huge, wide, large, obese — whatever term you use, I’m that.

This post is going to be about being fat because well, I am. **side note: this isn’t to diminish the feelings of skinny/thin people. I am just not skinny/thin so I can’t speak on it personally. However, if this goes over well, I would love to do a post for my skinny/thin people and their feelings!**

I am going to be very vulnerable, open, and honest. This post is about me and how I feel about me. This post is not to shame me or to belittle me. But it’s to show you how negative body image can effect us all! Even us strong ones.

So let’s just dive right on in. My entire life I’ve been bigger, but I honestly always thought I was just ‘big boned’. Kind of funny how people made that a thing, right? I was always very active in sports (softball, volleyball, and soccer). I could run without dying and I didn’t suffer from noticable pain. But as I was growing up, I started getting bullied for my size. The usual name calling, laughing and pointing, plus the occasional can of Slimfast thrown at me. Kids are great, huh? I was so involved with sports that it really didn’t get to me too much. I was able to do what I needed to do on the court (or field) and I was damn good at it. However, being an athlete wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life. It was writing, photography, and having my own salon. In high school I stopped playing all sports and that is when I really started to notice my weight troubles; how my weight was affecting my health.

Honestly, I didn’t always like my body while I played sports, but I definitely started hating it a lot more in high school. Isn’t that when it’s most important to have a bangin’ body?๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ My friends and other classmates around me were skinny and I wasn’t. People actually thought I just sat around and ate junk food all the time. ๐Ÿ˜‚The thing was, hearing all these negative things about my weight, made me hardly eat at all because of what people would say. I would eat one or two meals a day, and they weren’t the most healthy meals I should have been eating.

As I got older, my pain started getting worse and so did my health. I would try cutting down on my calories (or some other failed diet) and working out. No matter how strict I was with calorie couting and working out, I couldn’t lose weight. I’d give up and go back to eating whatever and not working out. Then I’d get another wild hair up my butt and start the process all over again. The most I could ever lose was five pounds. Yup, just five pounds. Doing all this hard work over and over and only losing five pounds was enough to discourage me for a few years.

Fast foward to a couple of years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS and told it would be harder for me to ever have a baby because of how much weight I needed to lose. 150 pounds to be exact. That is a whole person! I was so discouraged for a quiet some time. Then I got a new doctor who put me on a low carb diet and with that plus my medication, I was able to lose 26 pounds. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was finally losing weight. I was on top of the world, but it still wasn’t enough weight off to be able to have a baby. My heart was hurting so bad. I wanted a baby so bad, but I couldn’t get my mind wrapped around the fact that my body was preventing me from doing so.

I was getting tired of everyone saying so much bad shit about me because I was fat. I was tired of worrying about what people would think when they saw me with fast food. Or eating at a restaurant. I just wanted to enjoy life and not feel uncomfortable everywhere I went because people would stare and sometimes even laugh.

I kind of just stopped thinking much about it and embraced my big, fat self. I was learning that my weight didn’t matter. I was learning that my health issues weren’t just from my weight, but from other things that were off in my body. I was learning to listen to my body when she told me what she was needing. From food, excerise, rest, and all the way to love. I was doing just fine mentally with my weight trouble and I was happy.

Or so I thought.

My taller than me, slim, and very handsome boyfriend and I were in my best friend’s wedding. That day was abslouely magical. Everything was perfect and she looked stunning; I have never seen a more beautiful bride! Yup, I am biased because she’s my best friend. Sue me. It was the first time I had been in a facny dress in… well since my wedding when I was eighteen. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚I was so self conscious, but I put aside my negative thoughts so I could be at my best for my best friend.

And I was.

I had a lot of people tell me how beautiful my dress was and how I rocked it. I didn’t feel like me, but I felt confident enough to be in the dress around people who I didn’t know (unless I saw a camera, then I kind of held my breath). After all, they are strangers, right? And honestly for a couple of weeks I didn’t think much about how I looked. Then I saw the pictures…

Oh. My. Sweet. Heavens. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ I walk around everyday looking like that? I was super embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that was me. Seeing the pictures I almost didn’t recognize the woman standing there. It was like someone else was pretending to be me. I really look like that? I instantly felt disgusted with myself. Tears started to form in my eyes, I began to shake. I hated… yup, you read that right. I used a word I don’t like using. I hated my body and how I looked. I hated that for the rest of my best friend’s life, her and her husband and ALL of their family will look at those pictures and I would be in them looking like that. I hated how embarrassed she and my boyfriend must be of me.๐Ÿ˜ญ

Any time I was alone, I would cry because I was so embarrassed of my body. I felt like everyone was judging me when they looked at me and I felt very uncomfortable going anywhere; just work and home. I didn’t know how my boyfriend was even attracted to someone like me. I started to feel embarrassed for him having to go out in public with me.

Then I started to feel like I didn’t deserve a baby (or my man) becuase clearly my body was not capible of carrying a child safely; not being this big. I started to beat myself up for days.

I feel like from the chest up, I’m bangin’. I would take pictures of my body in the mirror at work and I felt like I looked fine; almost like I was slimming down. But seeing those pictures made me feel like what I saw and what the camera captured were two different women. How can I be what my eyes see in the mirror and what I see when I look at pictures other people take?

I talked to those around me who encouraged me and told me I didn’t look bad or that I was being too hard on myself. But they are my best and closest friends, they wouldn’t tell me the truth when it comes to my weight because they don’t wanna hurt me. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ I love them dearly for that, but now I clearly see that I am infact “morbidly obese” like the doctors said and wonder why my friends don’t see me like that, too. Or do they?๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜ถ

I am in several PCOS and mom groups on Facebook. I was nervous but I posted in there asking for advice on loving yourself; all of yourself. I was afraid some of these women would be mean with their comments and I’d get even more depressed. The exact opposite happened. The way these women responded was mind blowing. They gave me tips, complements, enougragment, and advice. And the best part about it? They were all bigger and struggling with body positivity themselves! It was so nice to talk with ‘fat’ women who knew exactly how I felt and what I was going through. Now, this doesn’t mean my friends didn’t help because they do all the time. But something about total complete fat strangers talking together and empowering each other fules my soul.

Needless to say, I am working on me. I am working on seeing the beauty that is within. I am a damn good person and I’ll do anything for those I love. I am working on learning to see that same type of beauty when I am talking about my body. I am learning to love me, fully. I’m working on changing my mindset around my weight. Being fat isn’t a bad thing. I’m not saying everyone go be fat. I’m saying that I’m not less of a woman or deserve less because I’m fat. I bust my ass on the daily so I’m not fat because I just sit around and eat junk food all the time. I’m fat because the hormones in my body and the foods I put into my body don’t mix well. I’m fat because I don’t have enough working the right way inside to burn off the fat my body stores because I don’t eat all the time and it goes into starvation mode. I’m fat because I have let what other people say about my eating habits and workouts discourage me.

I am fat because I have been looking at my body from the eyes of someone else.

I am working on saying more body positive things to myself everyday. Even when I feel like shit I’m like “but you the best looking pile of shit I’ve ever seen.” meh, its a start, okay?๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚ I have also been listening to a fat podcast called The Fat Lip and it has really helped me out tremendously. I am going to be keeping you guys posted on my journey as I learn to completely love myself inside out. I hope you join me because we are never alone and two is always better than one!

P.S. I’m done crying over being called all the terms used to describe “fat”. It is what I am and I accept that. I am not just working on my mindset. I’m also working on my eating habits and walking until my body can handle more strenuous workouts. ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ

Stay easy, be blessed.