All over again. 

Hey there. So I know you’ve been following my PCOS and thyroid issues, but check this. So when I got diagnosed with having PCOS after my ultrasound, my doctor didn’t mention cysts or anything. I honestly didn’t know cysts and PCOS went together. 

So fast forward three months when I was talking to my mom and a doctor from her job, and the doctor asked about cysts; I didn’t know I had any. My doctor (who I loved and would still love if he hadn’t moved out of state), neglected to share this information with me. 

When I read the size of my cysts out loud to my mom, I instantly teared up. This news took me back to how I felt the day I found out I had PCOS. I was once again, defeated; depressed..

Why are you depressed, Jessica? You already know you have PCOS, so what’s the big deal? Well, let me explain. Since my doc was moving out of state, he was transferring me to a knew doc. Which is coo, but Ive had to wait four months to see her (I see her in October). I know she will see my chart since they are at the same practice, but she doesn’t know me. I feel like I have to start over from the beginning. I feel like I’ve wasted four months when I could have been trying different meds, a new diet, or even figuring out what my next option with my cysts are. 

Will I have to have surgery? Can my ovaries be “saved”? Will I be able to have kids? 

Everyone keeps telling me it’s just not my time or it’ll happen. And I want to believe them so bad, but how? How can you fully believe these words when you are so scared? Scared for whatever is to come. Scared because of not knowing what’s to come.  

I have a great support system and so many people trying to keep my spirits high. I love them for that and they will never understand how much it means to me. I am however, doing the best that I can. Most days I try not to think about it at all and act like I’m just like any other woman who hasn’t gotten pregnant because she’s on birth control. Some days, when I see a lot of babies or the “we’re expecting” posts on FB (or to be honest, sometimes for no reason), I cannot shake the feeling of not being able to have a baby…

YET!!! 

I know it’s in God’s hands and He will bring me through whatever He has planned for my life. I also know I’m human and I sometimes let the negativity and doubt overcome my faith and strength. But it won’t last. It can’t. 

Don’t forget sweetheart, you aren’t alone. This isn’t a battle you have to fight alone. No, I’m not talking to myself. I’m talking to you reading this and relating. Friends or strangers, you can talk to me and we can ugly cry together. Until next time. Keep you’re head high because there is sunshine after the storm 😘❤️

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