I want someone to blame

Often times when something happens, we want someone to blame. Good or bad, we want someone responsible for whatever happened.

With my PCOS diagnosis, I want someone to blame. I want to say if my symptoms were taken seriously as a child, maybe I wouldn’t be where I am as an adult. I want to say maybe if better testing was done when I was younger, maybe I could have done more things to prevent being in the place I am now.

BUT let’s be realistic here. I can’t blame anyone for what is happening to my body. I can’t even blame myself (fully). I can blame myself for not taking better care of my body and eating healthier, but I still could have had the same outcome.

God choose me to fight this battle. I might not understand it, but I trust Him. I also believe He knows my desire to have a child of my own and wouldn’t deny me. I hold on to that and keep fighting everyday.

It might not seem like I’m fighting a battle, but believe me I am. I am fighting a battle with my entire body; food, weight loss, pain, infertility, ect. I am fighting a mental battle- can’t let this break me! I learn more and more each day on PCOS and everything surrounding it and I can tell you, it’s freaking depressing.

I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m scared. And that is perfectly fine! Some days it’s easier and I act as if nothings wrong with my body. Some days it’s really hard and I cry a lot. I feel down and worried I’ll never be a “real” mom. All of this is going to happen over and over and it’s still okay because PCOS is something I will have for the rest of my life; all emotions included. It’s how I handle those emotions that matter.

Some of my posts might seem repetitive, but I will keep writing, keep sharing in the chance that I can help just one person! If you are out there and dealing with PCOS, you aren’t alone. If you are out there and something seems off with your body, listen to it and seek a doctor. Together we can get through this!!!!

Thanks for reading 💖

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