Hey guys. It’s been a while. I’ve been hit with a lot lately, and I’m just now slowly being able to process it. This could be a tear jerker, so if you don’t wanna cry, do not pass go. Back out and come back another day. 😉
For those of you that didn’t know, my dog, Reptar, was diagnosed with lymphoma. A week ago, I had to make the hardest decision of my life and put him down.😭 It was for the best because he was in so much pain.
It’s been a little over a week and I still don’t know how to live without him. I just have kind of just “being”. I had him for six years. For six years it was always just me and him. If I didn’t have anyone else, I had him. He helped me through some pretty dark and scary times…
But now, how do I get through the darkest of times without him?
Without words, he was able to comfort me better than anyone I know. When I lived alone, I felt safer cause he was there. And although most people thought he was a big softie (he was), he would always project me… From storms, spiders, to tickling from my boyfriend and stepson.🙄😂
The last three years, my boyfriend and stepson grew to love him. To see my stepson so broken and sad about losing his “play brother” really hit me with a new type of feels. I didn’t know how to handle it. I knew I would be okay, eventually, but my mind hadn’t even began to process how to help a six year old heal. To be honest, I think we are helping each other heal more than we realize. My boyfriend, although he’s the strongest of us all, misses his Reptar something great, too. That breaks my heart all over again because my past bf didn’t like him at all (Reptar gave too many kisses). To hear him talking about the things he misses about Reptar, really gets me in my feels. Everyone who was important really loved my boy. 😭❤️
I’ve been trying to allow myself some time to heal before I made a blog post about him. I didn’t want to cry like a baby, but I am. It’s times like these when I’m sitting at home alone not knowing what to do that I think about him the most. I’d be giving him his meds, feeding him, taking him potty, or just cuddling with him before work. I just feel..like a huge piece of me is missing.
It’s going to take awhile before I can get another dog, but I definitely plan on it. I told Reptar that one day after he left me that I’d love another dog because there are so many that needed my love. I asked him to show me the dog who needed me like he did.
I promised him that I’d be okay without him. And one day, I will be. I’m just not okay right now; and that is okay! Some days I can think about him and be just fine. Other days I think about him and I just curl up and bawl like a baby. It’s a process and I’m letting myself feel through each step.
I am working on writing a book about him. This book is going to be more different than anything I’ve ever written. It’s going to be about our lives together, but from his point of view. It will definitely be another tear jerker for sure !
I want anyone that is going through something with their fur baby to know this: do what you feel is right!!! Screw what others think!!! I worked closely with Reptar’s vet (who was amazing btw) and we had a plan. BUT people still wanted to talk about me “being selfish and letting him suffer”.. well I did the least selfish thing and let him go!!!! 😭❤️
Reptar, you gave it a good fight and I will forever be thankful God gave me you. He knew when I needed you the most. He also knew when I had to be the strongest I could ever be and send you home to him. Lymphoma might have taken your life, but it will never take you from my heart!! 😭❤️