Can you see the pain?

Hey guys. Sorry, I’ve been MIA. I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to write about, but I’ve been so mentally and physically exhausted that I’ve passed out before I had the chance. But I’m here now! 🙂

So once again, I want to vent about chronic pain. People just cannot seem to understand that just because I’m “young” doesn’t mean I’m not in a lot of pain. That just because I’m smiling or I wear makeup, that I must be making it all up. Or when I do mention hurting, it’s just an excuse to get out of doing something 🤦🤦🤦 Yes, I might flake a lot, but it’s not an excuse– I really am hurting and learning my limits! 🤷‍♀️

Listen, there are more days during the week that I hurt over not hurting. And everyday, I take my hurting ass to work. I fight through the pain and work so I can help provide for my family. Yes, some days the pain is so minimal that it doesn’t bother me. There are also days I hurt so bad that I can’t stand up straight or do everyday tasks.

Some days, I wake up and I can hardly move. Some days, I can jump out of bed and not hurt at all– then halfway through my day, the pain comes. I can’t control it (trust me, I wish I could)!🤷🏽‍♀️

Here’s what I’ve got that causes me pain (yes, I’ve been diagnosed by a doctor for each and every one of these):

1. Hypothyroidism- A condition in which the thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone. (This one is a big pain in my ass, honestly. It messes with my weight and makes losing weight extremely hard) 2. Scoliosis– a sideways curvature of the spine. (It makes my back hurt or feel sore). 3. PCOS– hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries with small cyst on the outer layer (yup and it makes everything hurt sometimes and causes my chronic migraines) 4. Carpal tunnel– numbness and tingling in the hand and wrist caused by pinched nerve in the wrist (this realllllllly messes with my writing. I even had surgery on one hand, no relief; I have it in both) 5. Degenerative disc disease–osteoarthritis of the spine usually in the neck or lower back (THIS is what causes the majority of my pain and drives me batty because nothing will help with the pain!)

Most, if not all, of my diagnosed issues that cause chronic pain can not be cured. They can, however, be treated. I just have to find the right doctor and the right medicine to help and in the meantime, I’m trying to learn how to manage the pain. I do my best to not share it often, but man, I hurt so bad.

Be mindful of those that say they deal with chronic pain. You don’t know how much of an everyday struggle they are having. Try to not make them feel less than because they always tell you they are hurting. Sometimes, they just need to share it because they feel alone and someone has made it clear that they don’t believe they are hurting. And others don’t believe because you can’t “see” pain…unless you actually look at the person’s eyes or face. People feel if they can’t actually see something, it must not be there.

Honey, let me tell you, the pain is definitely there. I cry a lot because I hurt and because I’m tired of hurting. I wish I could do normal things (like whipping my own ass or running around with my boy) without hurting so bad I cry.

The tears…those most people don’t see. Most people don’t realize I hide in the bathroom at work and cry. Or that I cry when I’m alone because of always hurting. I’m not writing this for sympathy because I already know who believes me when I say I hurt, and who thinks it’s a cop out. I’m writing so I can bring awareness to chronic pain so people who don’t have it can learn how to handle those that do. Im writing so those out there suffering know they aren’t suffering alone.

Choose to be kind to people always. You never know what someone is going through 👌🏼

Be easy, stay blessed. Jessica 💖😘