Stepmother’s Day ๐Ÿ’œ

Every Sunday after Mother’s Day, is Stepmother’s Day and it’s been that way since 2000!!!

Stepparent roles have always been such a controversial topic. Some people love and support their child having a stepparent — even give them credit and have strong co-parenting practices. Some people do not — the stepparent will never be anything but mom/dad’s boyfriend/girlfriend and there’s nothing but drama.

I’ve been a stepmom for four years. If I’m being honest, Mother’s Day has always been hard for me. The first couple of years I didn’t expect anything, but it made me sad when people didn’t feel I was a “real mother” or deserved to be recognized. I did my best to not let it get to me and to remember how much I love our boy. It’s not about being recognized at all…but it is nice.

For those of you new to my blog, I have PCOS. Having a baby of my own will be hard, not impossible, but hard and a lot of work (which it’ll be totally worth it). Being a stepmom and feeling like I’ll never have baby of my own to make me Mother’s Day day crafts at school, or even to call me mom is heartbreaking. I always would get super depressed and try to avoid social media on Mother’s Day.

This Mother’s Day was going to be different: our boy was going to spend it with his mom and spend Stepmother’s Day with me! I felt we should both be celebrated on our own day because we both mean a lot to him.

My day started off great. My best friend came over the night before and we played a video game that made us laugh and jump so much.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ Then Sunday, we went to church and it was an amazing and moving service. ๐Ÿ˜After church we went and ate lunch. Once lunch was finished, we went and looked at the animal shelter for a dog !

We’ve been wanting a dog for quite some time, but haven’t found one yet. We were trying again to see if we could find one. No luck at the first shelter. But at the second, we had a couple to choose from. We ended up coming home with our new dog, Loki!!!๐Ÿถ๐Ÿพ โค๏ธ All in all it was the perfect day because we all got something we’d been wanting since Reptar passed a year ago.

To all you stepmomma’s out there, I hope y’all got to be celebrated on Mother’s Day or Stepmother’s Day. If Mother’s Day is a tough day for you, try making Stepmother’s Day a real thing for your family (it’s been a real thing since the 2000s). Tell your people that you want that day to be all about you because you deserve it!!!! It worked out great for us and I felted loved and special. We will definitely be doing this again โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ

Stay easy, be blessed.

Jessica ๐Ÿ˜˜

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Why do you hate me?

Have you ever felt like someone hated you, but you couldn’t figure out why? You couldn’t explain it to anyone. Nobody would see it that way and they would probably tell you “they don’t hate you, they love you in their own way”. Even though they could be right and were trying to help, you didn’t agree; this person hated you. If you feel like this, then this post is for you.

Hate is a pretty strong word. I really don’t like using it. I don’t allow myself, our boy, or my kiddos at the daycare to use it. So why am I using it for this post? In all honesty, because it is the only word I can use that describes exactly what I feel.

I have a dictionary and thesaurus app on my phone and I looked up the word ‘hate’. Here are the definitions:

  1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest.
  2. to be unwilling; dislike.
  3. to feel intese dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.

Reading the definitions made me sad because there are countless times I’ve felt that I was disliked or was experiencing extreme hostility from the same person. The word ‘aversion’ kept poping up in the definition so I looked it up as well.

  1. a strong feeling of dislike, opposition, repugnance, or antipathy.
  2. a cause or object of dislike; person or thing that causes antipathy.
  3. obsolete. the act of averting; a turning away or preventing.

One of the synonyms of aversion is ‘disgust’. That hit home for me, too. I have often felt like this person was disgusted with me.

“Why would they hate you? Or be disgusted with you?” one might ask. I can’t answer that because I am not them. I can make you a list of assumptions, but they would be just that. I can make a list that probably wouldn’t end on all the hurtful things that have been said, but why would I want to put you through that? It isn’t pretty. No, I’m not talking about things from strangers or bullys. I’m talking about mean and hateful things from one person, over and over again.

My whole life I’ve spent countless hours wondering what was wrong with me? What did I do? Why was I born? Why couldn’t I just be loved and accepted for who I was? Why did I need to change? Why did I always have to apologize? Why did I always have to be the one to fix it? Why did I always have to be the bigger person? Why do they hate me?

Of those questions above, I can answer: nothing was wrong with me. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t need to change. I should stop apologizing, stop trying to fix it. I would always (no matter how much I didn’t want to) end up being the bigger person. I do have a decent amout of people who love me for me. I believe I was born to help people through my words and actions to match. God made me how I am so I can help others get through their struggles; to carry them.

The question I feel I will never know the answer to is ‘why do they hate me?’ I haven’t ever been told by this person that they hate me, but those words never have to come off of their lips in order for me to feel the hate. If you pay attention, you can feel peoples energy around you. When people are extremely negtaive, I have to distance myself from them because the negativity starts draining my energy. I gravitate toward those who radiate positivity. The energy around this person when I am around them is fulled with so much anger, hate, disgust, and resentment. I feel really uncomfortable and almost like I’m in danger. My body’s tense and my heart is hurting. My mind tells me to get the hell away as fast as I can.

When said person talks to me the disgust on their facial expressions, and the negativity that lashes from their lips, tears me down. I feel that’s what they want, though. To tear me down and build me up to be exactly what they want because right now, I’m not anything they want. I used to allow this to happen, then I woke up. I was tired of being depressed. Tired of feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be loved. Tired of not being loved…

I try my hardest to be a good person. I try to help everyone even when I need the help more. I don’t think I will ever feel what I need to feel from this person and that’s okay. I love this person anyway; I just have to love from a distance. I have been working on training my heart and mind around accepting this relationship for what it is. There is no need getting upset when things don’t go the way I want becuase it hasn’t ever been that way. There is no need expecting change because in order for change to happen, falts have to be admitted. I can admit that I haven’t always done my part, or been the nicest with my words, either. But my defenses are up and armed because of the hate I feel pelting my mind, body, and soul that came from them.

If you treat me like dirt on the bottom of your shoe, why would I want to keep coming back to get stepped on?

As hurt as I’ve been, I do not hate this person. I love them. I’m working on forgiving them completely for all the hurt they’ve caused. I’m also working on not wanting them to be a part of my life — some things just aren’t meant to happen. I’m learning that everything happens for a reason and though I can’t wrap my head around why, I know God has had a plan this whole time. I have to trust him and give him my pain to achieve compete happiness. I am working on that as well.

If you’re going through something like this, just know you aren’t alone. No matter who they are, if they are toxic to you and your well being — get rid of them!! They probably won’t understand and that’s fine, it’s not meant for them to. Work on you. Learn to love you fully and to let go of the hate they have left lingering in your mind. It might not be hate for them or anyone else, but it is hate for youself. Whether you realize it or not, the words they say stay and make themselves a home in your mind and heart. Then you start to believe what was said. I’m here to tell you to let that shit go! It absolutely will be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do, but when you work on retraining your mind with love and positivity, you can live your best life.

I am always here to talk; no judgement. Life is crazy and short— you shouldn’t spend it alone or filled with hate. I’m no expert at all. I’m just talking about my feelings and what has workd for me. Like I always say, if I can help at least one person, my job is done.

Be easy, stay Blessed.

Jessica๐Ÿ˜˜

She’s been planning this since she was two.

Tomorrow, my best friend since the first grade gets married! She has been planning this day since she was two years old (nope I’m not exaggerating either). I am so excited and happy for her. She deserves this day more than anyone I know.

I remember growing up with her and all the sleepovers and fun times we had together. School was a struggle for me because I got picked on for getting put back a grade — I was in second grade and they put me back in first.๐Ÿ™„ I also got picked on a lot because I was heavier than the other kids. She made school tolerable and sometimes enjoyable. ๐Ÿ˜

Elementary, junior high, high school she was by my side. She always had tons of best friends, but it never diminished the spark in our friendship. During those times, I struggled a lot with self hate but that never changed how she saw me. She loved me for me.

She helped me get through the passing of both my grandparents which was hard because I was close with both of them. She stood by my side at my wedding. A wedding that more than half of everyone tried talking me out of. There was a time I became conflicted because of what everyone else was saying. She told me “it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants. It’s what you want and if you’re happy I support you”. She stood by my side at my high school, senior year, wedding. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜

She was also by my side the day I choose to leave him (six months and an annulment later). ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚

After my marriage failed, I had to get out of town. I had gotten accepted to Haskell Indian Nations University in Lawrence Kansas and she made sure I went. A few years later (maybe idk the time runs together ๐Ÿ˜‚), she moved to Lawrence and life was like it used to be.

Then it wasn’t.

One thing about our friendship is, we didn’t really fight. We would have little disagreements or whatever, but nothing too serious. I can’t ever remember a time in my life that she wasn’t in it.

Except one.

Something happened that I’m not going to talk about, but we didn’t talk for six months or so. Lived in the same town but didn’t see or speak to each other. That was the hardest six months of my life. You don’t realize how important your friends are and how much they become your lifeline until they aren’t in your life.

Then one day I was at work putting away “abandons” at Target and my phone vibrated and her name popped up. My heart raced as I answered it. The rest is history and we picked back up like nothing ever happened. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ Oh the joys of true friendship.

To this day, she knows all my deepest darkest secrets. I know some of hers. Both the good and bad times we’ve had together have made our friendship as strong as any friendship could be. She’s my everything and I’m so glad I was able to watch her grow up next to me. From lock ins at her dad’s church, to highschool graduation, to some college, to her becoming a mom and me a stepmom, to me becoming a published author (she’s always supported my writing) — and now I get to stand with her while she becomes a wife. ๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ

Micah Joy- I love you with every beat of my heart. You are a gift to me made special from God himself. I love the journey we’ve had together. Every single part of it happened for a reason and I’m so thankful. I’m overjoyed for you on your special day. Thank you for letting me be a part of it all. โค๏ธ

P.S. Anthony– congratulations on picking the best wife EVER. Take care of my girl. If not, you know what’ll happen ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

P.S.S. Anthony– you know I mean it, too.

There is a day for US.

Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend. It is such a beautiful day to honor our mothers for everything they’ve done for us.

Mother’s Day can also be hard on those whose mother has passed or those who never knew their mothers.

It can also be hard on stepmothers. A lot of us don’t get the credit we deserve and probably never will. And that’s okay because we don’t do it for the credit (even though it’s nice), we do it for the kiddos. Stepmom’s get a bad wrap because of that whole “evil stepmom” thing. But not all of us are evil. In fact, a lot of us stepmom’s are pretty freaking awesome!

There are some stepmoms who only want to do the bare minimum. They don’t want to be included in a lot or involved in everything. That’s okay, that is their choice. Then there are those stepmoms who really step up to the plate and take on full mothering responsibilities. They love and care for the child as if they were their own.

There are those biological mothers that are not involved and their children’s life. There are also those biological mothers that are extremely involved in their children’s life. Some bio moms don’t want their children to have a stepmother so there becomes a lot of drama that is completely unnecessary. Other bio moms love the fact that there is another woman willing to help love their child.

This post isn’t to bash anyone, but to inspire bio moms and stepmoms to work together for the children’s sake. It doesn’t have to be a competition. Nobody has to get left out. It’s not a who does what better or who does more, it’s about everybody loving the child. After all, it does take a village to raise a child.

This year my stepson will be spending Mother’s Day with his mom and that will be her day. The following Sunday is stepmother’s day and that will be my day. Yes, stepmother’s day is a real thing. You don’t believe me, look it up! We both play important roles in his life so why don’t we both get celebrated? I think it’s amazing when people can come together for the sake of a child. I’m speaking only from my thoughts and opinions and nobody else’s.

I know there are a lot of people out there that’s despised stepmothers if the bio mother is active in the child’s life. To a lot of people stepmothers will be nothing but just “Daddy’s girlfriend”. That is fine that is their opinion. I will wear my stepmother crown proudly. I want nothing more then to be a mother. But right now I am unable to bear child so in the meantime God gave me Jalen. I would be stupid if I let titles get in the way of loving the gift God gave to me.

If you’re a mother of any kind be thankful for the opportunity to give your love to a child who deserves nothing more. If you’re a stepmother depressed or upset about Mother’s Day man, I hear you and I feel your pain. But take today and throw the depression and negativity aside. Because the Sunday after Mother’s Day is our day and get excited about that because you deserve it, Mama!!!!

Be easy, stay blessed.

Jessica ๐Ÿ˜˜

I’m always writing, BUT HOW?

Ever wonder why I talk about writing all the time? It’s because I am so here is a glance into my writing world.๐ŸŒ

I have over one hundred book ideas — crazy huh?๐Ÿ˜ฎ And no, I’m not exaggerating. I am consently adding more and more ideas to that number all the time. I get ideas randomly usually when I’m doing something like driving or taking a shower. Perfect time, huh?๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜

I published my first book, Try Me Not, in Febuary of 2019. Seven years after I had stopped writing it! ๐Ÿ˜ฎI couldn’t find (or keep) one editor to finish editing my book start to finish. In the meantime, I just kept writing; pushing out book after book until I was able to publish.

I have book two (unrelated to Try Me Not) back from the editor. I am working on getting through those edits as quickly as I can. I do have book three and four written fully, but not edited. I started working on book five and got into chapter five before I stopped. Why did I stop you ask? ๐Ÿค”Because my fans wanted a sequel to Try Me Not so I had to give them what they wanted! I had been on the fence about making a sequel because I didn’t know how people would react to Try Me Not, but once I got published everyone asked where the sequel was. I put book five on hold and started devoting my time to book six!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜‰

I generally try to only work on one book at a time (so I don’t get things confused). But sometimes, one book will speak louder than the other and I move on from one before it’s finished. That happens more than I’d like to admit unfortaely. That means I end up with a bunch of books that aren’t fully finished. Hence, here I am with all these books that aren’t completed.๐Ÿ˜‚

I live and breath writing. People always ask me “how do you have time to write when you’re a stepmom and work full time?” In all honesty, I don’t always feel like writing but when I do, I make time.๐Ÿ• It’s not easy, actually. I’d love to just stay home and write all the time, but well bills won’t pay themselves. So I keep my tablet with me and I have Google Docs on both my phone and tablet for when the creativity speaks. Any time I get a chance, I’m writing, editing, or blogging. I try to write in the mornings when I’m helping the boy get ready for school. Or at work when the kids are down for nap. I try writing in the evenings when I get home, but I usually don’t— gotta spend time with the family and I’m exhausted!๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

I adjust my time in some form or another and make sure I write a little each day. Some days I’m able to write for a couple hours, other days I only get in ten to fifteen minutes. People always ask me “I don’t know how to write, how do you do it?” I tell them to just do it; literally just sit down and write. I know its not always easy, but even if you only write one word, one sentence, one paragraph it’s more than you had yesterday.

No matter how long I get, when I am able to write I’m the happiest. You really do make time for the things that matter to you most. If you are a writer or have any other dream— just do it! Whatever it may be, make the time for it as much as possible or time will get away from you and you’ll regret it! You might start out being able to give a little time a day, then one day you’ll be able to give as much time as you want. That’s why I bust my ass so much— one day I want to just wake up, send everyone off to work or school, and just write the day away.

Don’t stop until you get there. Never give up and never, ever give into the excuses!

Be easy, stay blessed.

Jessica๐Ÿ˜˜

Stress or success?

Do you remember how fun your birthday parties were when you were a kid? All the food, games, friends, and presents. You had a blast! But I bet you didn’t realize how stressed out your parents were (okay when I say parents, I mean your mom and grandma). ๐Ÿ˜‚ Did you? I know I didn’t. However, when I became a stepmom all of that changed. ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿฝ

I started dating Jalen’s dad, Jeremie, when Jalen was turning three. I wasn’t a part of this birthday party, but I’ve been a part of every party since. Man, let me tell you, planning a kid’s party is a tough gig! First, you have to actually figure out what type of party you’re going to have and lets be honest here, we can’t depend on the kids input because they have such an imagination. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚ Are you going to have it at a place like a community center, a pool, a park, your house?

Once you narrow down a place, you gotta pick a theme, decide on food, and invite people. Not to mention still buy the kid presents. And goodie bags, you can’t forget the goodie bags to send home with all the kids who came.๐Ÿ˜‰

You make multiple trips to the store to buy things you need for the party. You tell yourself you are only getting the things you need, but we all know that is a lie. You always go all out for your baby. You get what you need and what you want to make this party perfect! You probably end up buying things you forgot (or didn’t think about) on the day of the party and rush around to grab them and get everything set up before the party starts.

During the party when you take a beat and just look around at everything, you realize just how much all the stress was worth it. You realize how great of a job you guys did and how happy everyone is. We had our boy’s 7th birthday party this past weekend. It was the easiest and probably the best party he’s had. He had such a great time in the bounce house (even though the weather went from like 75 to 50 degrees๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿฅถ). Everyone seemed happy and like they were enjoying themselves. To see everyone come to celebrate Jalen made my heart full. He is just an amazing kid and so full of love that I’m glad people came and showed him some lovin’, too.โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

This was also the first time we didn’t open presents in front of everyone. And I think it was better that way! Who came up with the idea to make kids open presents in front of other kids? The birthday kid will want to play with the toys, but can’t. The other kids will want the toys for themselves, too. Not only is that kind of teasing the kids, it also can be embarrassing for the parents if they can’t afford as much as someone else. I think opening the presents at home with just you and your kiddo is the best. What do you guys do: open presents at the party in front of everyone or at home?

I know getting everyone together isn’t always the best idea. Sometimes adults can’t put aside their own drama just for the kiddos. I’m so glad we don’t have to worry about that (I hope you don’t have to worry about that either)! Has your kids party been a big stress or sucess? You can share your stories, good or bad!

Just a quick little post today to stay in the habit of posting ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‰ until next time.

Be easy, stay blessed.

Jessica๐Ÿ˜˜

Inner strength, do you have any?

It’s Friday and I am SO GLAD. It’s been a crazy, stressful week. Work has been kind of insane, getting the last minute things for our boy’s seventh birthday party tomorrow, and making sure we have everything done for my bestest, best friend’s wedding next month. Whew, life is such a blessing!!!โค๏ธ

Today, I met a new friend; a PCOS Cyster!๐Ÿ‘ฏ She gave me a good topic to write about for today’s post. I figured since it was so good, I just had to make sure I wrote about it as soon as I could. How do you get up and do everything you need to do during the day? You just get up and do it without much thought, right? Even if you don’t want to, or are a total freaking zombie mom, you get up and make sure the kiddo is dressed, fed, and off to school. Then you make sure you are dressed, at least had coffee, and off to work yourself. But what do you do when all the engery and motivation has totally and completely left your body?
How do you muster up the energy to do the things that you need to do? Can you find enough energy to do the things you want to do? How do you find the energy to get yourself motivated? Are you able to hype yourself up with chants or inspirational quotes? Do you depend on someone else to get you motivated? Do you even ever get your energy or motivation back?

Everyone is different and if you’ve got something that works for you, please share it because sharing is caring after all. ๐Ÿ˜‰For me, there are certain things that I never lose the energy or motivation to do. For example, I always make sure I get my stepson up and ready for school — might do it with my eyes closed, but I do it everyday he’s in school. Since I’m already up and moving, I’m able to go ahead and head into work (I’m already dressed since I put him on the bus and don’t want to go out in my missed matched pjs๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ). Even though I don’t want to get up early, and sometimes go into work because I’d rather stay home writing๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ, I do it because I have to. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t get him ready because I couldn’t find the energy or motivation?๐Ÿ‘€

There are, however, things that I really struggle finding and keeping the energy on. Like working out and dieting. I make excuses for why I don’t workout. Granted, I’m in pain and sometimes it is too much and I need to take it easy, but there are times I could just push through the pain and workout– but I don’t. I really am learning to listen to my body and not my mind. My mind tricks me and thinks that pain is pain and means not doing anything. But if I’ve learned anything at all living with PCOS, its that not all pain is “I need to lay down and rest” pain. I have just grown so used to the pain being so unbearable that I’m comfortable dismissing working out due to “pain”. I’m kind of the same with my dieting; I do really good some weeks, others I do horrible. My mind also tricks me into thinking I can’t do a diet or eat the things that I need to eat so I just resort to eating what I’ve been eating (which gets me absolutely no where).

The thing that is working best for me is being kind to myself, even when I give into my excuses. It’s not going to stick and be a lifestyle change if I do it full of anger. So I’m taking it one day at a time and doing the best I can each day. I am trying to learn what foods and excersies work best for my body. I’m trying to find peope who are struggling like me so we can motivate each other. No matter what anyone else says, if you’re trying, you’re doing great! If all you can do is try, try with everything you have in you and you will turn “I’m trying” into “I’m doing”.

Surprisingly enough, sometimes I can’t find the motivation to write. If I’m super stressed, or worried, it’s like my motivational spout is clogged. Usually it doesn’t last long, but even when it does, writers block is the easiest for me to find motivation, inspiration, and energy to put into just writing. Helping people, talking about writing, having good days, are just some of the ways I get motivated to write. Having a nice, comfortable writing space helps too. For me, its simple as just sit down and write! ๐Ÿ˜

Everyone does things differently. If you find something that keeps you motivated and your energy full, stick with it and use that as long as you can. When that stops working, find something else. The world and it’s resources are unlimited to the many possibilities you can find to work for you. Find them and use them the best you can. Never give up on yourself, your health, your dreams.โค๏ธ

Be easy, stay blessed.

Jessica๐Ÿ˜˜