Scariest Day of My Life.

***Trigger Warning–Talk of miscarriage***

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’ve wanted to be open with you guys about my pregnancy journey and having PCOS. I want to share what I’ve gone through so any woman will know that even if their journey doesn’t look like mine, they are not alone. If you’re okay reading past this point, please know I am being 100% valuerable with you all. Please keep all negative and hateful comments to yourselves. 🤙🏽

It was around 3:30 in the morning when I woke up. I felt like something was wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew something was off. I went to the bathroom and that’s when I saw it… blood.

My heart literally stopped. Tears jumped out of my eyes and I began to shake. I yelled for my boyfriend who rushed to my side asking me frantically “what’s wrong?” I couldn’t say anything but I’m bleeding.

He calmly got me to come back to the bedroom where I noticed blood on our sheets and mattress. My heart shattered. I just knew I was losing our baby…

I cried and cried for hours, not sure what to do. I wasn’t in any pain, other than my heart that hurt so bad I felt like it was about to rip out of my chest. We had called the nurse line asking what we should do now and tried to sleep while we waited for the call back. Of course, that didn’t happen.

I ended up calling both my best friend and my mom asking what I should do. Both of them told me to prepare myself that I could be having a miscarriage and I should go to the ER. And that’s what we did.

I couldn’t stop crying or shaking. My boyfriend had to do most of the talking for me since I forgot how to form scentenes. I was a complete and total mess. My boyfriend, however, was as calm as a toad in the sun.

I went through the process of giving my information and telling them what happened, more times than I wanted to repeat, then we just waited. My mind raced and all I could do was tell myself to breathe. My boyfriend kept grabbing my hand and squeezing. If it wouldn’t have been for him, I wouldn’t have been able to get through it.

After what felt like forever, they came in and did an ultrasound. When they said the baby was fine and moving around a lot, both my boyfriend and I let out a sigh of relief, tears welled up in our eyes. I couldn’t believe it: our baby was okay and we weren’t losing our baby!!!!

I was told I had a small hematoma which is why I was bleeding. The definition of a hematoma is a solid swelling of clotted blood within the tissues. They can happen during pregnancy and must be diagnosed by ultrasound. I don’t know how it happened. I was told to take it easy, no heavy lifting, caffeine (because that can cause more bleeding), or sexual activity for a month. I was also told to make an appointment with my OBGYN and to let him know if I had more bleeding.

While I was at the hospital, I learned that women who are B- blood type, tend to reject pregnancy and they have to have a shot to prevent that. I got my shot (one that I’ll have to get with every pregnancy) and was sent on my way with no additional concern for losing our baby.🙌🏽

Exhausted wasn’t even good enough to explain what I was at this time. And although my boyfriend had been my rock the entire time, I knew he was just as exhausted as I was. When we finally made it home, he admitted how scared he was and I knew right then and there that no matter what I faced, he would be able to help me through it all. That he would be my rock, supporting me through it until I was good, and then and only then he would let his true emotions show. I also knew that I would do whatever I had to do to keep him strong and supported. It’ll be us against the world.

I was thankful Jalen had stayed the night with his grandma that night and we were able to handle all of this without him home or knowing. I don’t think I could have handled it if he would have been home and saw me crying as much as I was.

As thankful as I was that everything was going to be okay, there was still a piece of me that was terrified something else would go wrong. Any time I mentioned it to my boyfriend, he was there to assure me everything would be fine. As a woman with PCOS and being told 1. that you’d never get pregnant and 2. that miscarriage is more common than the average woman, you learn to think the worst first and always.

Any time I had a negative thought, I replaced it with ‘my body is doing wonderful things and capable of carrying our baby’ over and over until the negavite thought went away. I knew, like most pregnancies, mine wouldn’t be easy, but I knew no matter what I went through, it would be 100% worth it.

I know (from my own experience) it’s easier said than done, but if you’re pregnant or trying to get pregnant, take things one day at a time. Do whatever you can to be positive, listen to your body and your doctor. Everything will work out exactly how it’s supposed to. 😘

That’s all for now. Be easy, stay blessed.

-Jessica💖

Fresh Review

*Not my personal image found via Google*

Guys. Listen. This movie on Hulu… it’s a wild ride for sure! So if you haven’t seen this and are interested, make sure you are prepared and should probably leave the snacks for after the movie 🤣 There’s gonna be spoilers so if you are planning on watching it and don’t want anything spoiled, exit now do not read further!!! ⛔️🙅🏽‍♀️

As the movie starts, you follow a woman named Noa who has had bad luck in the dating department. We sit through a teeth grinding date (one that I would have walked out on), and learn about the close relationship she has with her best friend Molly.

Noa is all but giving up on finding a perfect man, until she meets Steve at the grocery store. He made some bad jokes about fruits which made her giggle and they exchanged numbers. She ended up telling Molly about him saying she didn’t know you could meet people in real life these days; she thought everything had to be done online.

Noa and Steve went out on their first date and hit it off rather quickly. She couldn’t believe how funny he was and how good it felt to be with him.

Steve ended up asking her to go away with him for the weekend making her very excited. Molly, however, was a little suspicious. And she had every right to be.

Noa quickly found out Steve wasn’t the nice guy she thought he was after he drugged her and had her chained up in some room. She started to panic when she realized he had brought her here to kill her, slowly. Unless she misbehaved then it would be quickly.

While she was locked in this room, she made a friend, Penny, who was locked in the next room. They talked a lot and made their situation less horrible.

When Noa wasn’t responding like she should, Molly started to look into who Steve was. She found out Steve wasn’t even his real name and he had a wife and two kids. She also found out who he and his wife, really were and quickly found herself in the same situation as Noa.

Steven’s real name was Brendan. He is a carnivore — he found girls he liked, drugged them, and chained them up in locked rooms his second house; one away from his kids. He then would slowly cut parts of their bodies (legs, breast, butt) and sell them with some of their personal belongings to people who paid a pretty penny for it. If you made him mad, he would speed up the process.

The end of the movie was pretty satisfying to me. However, 🤢I had to watch some of the movie through my fingers cause watching him cut up a leg, cook, and then eat it was too much for me!

I’d give it a 7/10. I enjoyed it enough to get through it, but I probably wouldn’t watch it again, at least not for awhile. 🤣

That’s all for now. Be easy. Stay blessed.

-Jessica 💖

Sightless Review

*Not my personal image, found via Google*

I love Madelaine Petsch as an actress so when I saw she was staring in this movie, I had to watch it!!! I first found out about Madeline when I watched Riverdale (which I also loved 😍).

In this movie on Netflix, Madelaine plays Ellen, a young woman who at one point in her life was a famous violinist. She was attacked one night and because of the attack, lost her sight.

You follow along as Ellen starts to adjust to a sightless life: learning how to move around her new house, use a cane, screen reader, and eventually braille.

Ellen doesn’t have any friends or family visiting her at her new apartment. I found that a little strange. The only person who does come to visit is her helper, Clayton. He cooks, does some light cleaning, and is teaching her how to navigate life as a blind woman.

The movie does some jumping around with a side story that makes its a little hard to follow. However, the twist they threw in there, caught me off guard! It was a nice touch. 👌🏽

I wasn’t too happy with the ending. I felt they could have done more with it but it just stopped. I was kind of disappointed. I’d rate it a 4/10. Not trying to discourage anyone from watching it, just don’t raise your expectations too high. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That’s all for now. Stay easy, be blessed.

-Jessica 💖

A Fall From Grace Review

*Not my personal image, found on Google*

This is a Tyler Perry movie on Netflix.

First off, I love Tyler Perry. His movies. His plays. His shoes. He’s one of my favorites. I knew this movie wouldn’t disappoint either!😏

This movie is about a young lawyer, Jasmine, who got handed a case she was just supposed to close. No going to trial; just getting the women, Grace, who confessed to killing her husband to sign the plea deal and move on.

Although Jasmine hadn’t gone to trial for any of her other cases, she was ready to take this one into the court room. She felt something wasn’t right about the case in front of her and couldn’t just let the woman take a plea–even though Grace did confess to murder.

As the movie progresses, you learn Grace’s story and the reason she confessed to killing her husband. But not everything adds up and that’s exactly why Jasmine is trying to hard to figure things out. She’s a good lawyer, but you can tell she is still an amateur and has a lot to learn.

The end of the movie had a twist I wasn’t expecting! I liked that touch.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie! It gets a 7/10 from me. The acting from some of the actors was sub par, but it wasn’t terrible. There were several actors like Cicily Tyson, Phylicia Rashad, Mehcad Brooks, and of course, Tyler Perry who played the hell out of their roles.

Check it out if it sounds interesting. Leave a comment if you’ve saw it and tell me what you think!

That’s all for now. Be easy, stay blessed.

-Jessica 💖

How full is your cup?

Let’s talk about the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” shall we? 🥃

You’ve all heard it at least once, right? (Probably more times than you’d like to admit even.) Even though I heard it a lot throughout many parts of my life, it wasn’t until I hit my 30s that I really started to understand what it meant.

I was always a person who did whatever I could to fill someone’s cup. I made sure everyone around me had full (or fuller) cups. And although that was great and I’m sure they really appreciated it, I was neglecting myself. I was spending so much time filling others’ cups, I wasn’t paying attention to my own cup getting more and more empty.😕

That’s the issue with filling someone else’s cup– they don’t always fill yours in return. I was unaware that I had to work twice as hard to fill up my cup and the cup of others. But I was getting nothing back. I watched as those came to me, empty cup in hand, and I poured into them repeatedly. I then watched as those same people went and filled the cups of others’ while leaving me empty. 🧐

Eventually, I started to realize that this wasn’t okay. That these empty cuppers were only using me to fill their cup. They didn’t really care about me; they only cared about what I could do for them. 🤦🏽‍♀️

So enough is enough. I am done filling any cup that doesn’t fill me in any way. 🙅🏽‍♀️

If I’m being completely honest here, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s hard to stop doing something you are so used to doing. It’s hard to stop doing something that has become a habit. Thankfully, getting pregnant helped me realize I had to spend more time taking care of myself and my baby and less time doing for others.

I slowly started to protect my cup more and more. I protected it like it was a precious jewel.💎I stopped pouring into the cup of those who never poured into me. I also stopped making myself so ready and available to those people. Can’t expect me to always feel their cup if they can’t get ahold of me, eh? 😉

If you take away nothing from this post other than a mental reminder to always watch how full your cup stays and who helps refill it, I’ll be happy. Remember to go where you can not only give but are able to receive too! 😘

That’s all for now. Be easy, stay blessed.

-Jessica💖

Somewhere Between Review

*Not my picture, from Netflix via Google Search*

This is a suspenseful, limited series with only ten episodes on Netflix.

It follows the life of Laura Price— a successful news producer with a handsome, successful district attorney husband, and a beautiful, smart, sassy eight year old daughter. Seems like the perfect life, doesn’t it?

One random conversation left her with some information that would consume her every thought as she tried desperately to save her daughters life. But how could she possibly keep her safe when she knows the day, location, and how her daughter will be killed but doesn’t know by who? How can she keep her safe when everyone around her thinks she is crazy?

This suspenseful series gets a 10/10 recommendation from me! Yes, I enjoyed it that much. The episodes are long and even so I had to keep hitting the “next episode” button. The entire time watching, I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. Once I thought I had it all figured out, there came some twists and turns that through me for a loop and made me realize I had no idea who was behind it all!

My mouth hit the floor several times and I sat on the edge of the couch a lot. Like A LOT. If you’re looking for something to keep your heart racing, Somewhere Between is for you!

(I don’t wanna write any spoilers, but if you watch it and wanna chat about it after, I’m so down!!)

See you next review!

Be easy, stay blessed.

-Jessica 💖

Summer Time Writing

I am five days into my first summer where I’m not working at a job! I am, however, working on getting Baby J’s room and our house ready for baby- that is a lot of work in itself. (Don’t worry, I’m getting plenty of help!)

Along with getting our house ready for baby, I plan on doing a lot of reading and writing. Plus, tackeling my ‘to be watched’ list on Netflix. Because I feel sort of lazy just sitting around watching Netflix, I’ve decided to write reviews on the shows and movies I’ve watched. That way not only am I getting to watch em, but I’m getting some writing done as well 😁 I plan on writing book reviews as well!

So what can you expect over the sumer from me? Book realated blog posts, movie/shows and book reviews, and pregancy posts. It’ll be lots of fun so make sure you keep coming back to stay up to date with what’s going on in my world (if you’re interested 😉)

I will also take suggestions if anyone has anything they would like me to talk about, or if you have any book ideas you’d like to discuss! I’m not perfect and still have lots to learn, but if you have any questions about anything writing related or PCOS pregnancy, feel free to reach out to me. I don’t bite, I promise 😏

That’s all for now. Make sure you hit that follow button if you’d like to stay up to date on my super fun summer life. ☀️

Be easy, stay blessed.

-Jessica 💖